Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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