my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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