Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
how does that bad decision feel?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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