i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
