well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
