Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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