My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
