Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
