I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
