I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
