If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
