He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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