Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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