Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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