i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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