But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
