I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
