I wish my penis had an off switch
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
