Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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