i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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