Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
