True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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