I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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