I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
