After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
