hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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