Your dad touched me again.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
