My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
