Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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