I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
