my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
