So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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