I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
