apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
