Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
