I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
