can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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