ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
