I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
