ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
