I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
