under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it glows. i had to have it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
