yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
