My friends, they love my intelligence
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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