i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
