i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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