haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
