Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
