Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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