Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
