that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
