i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Congratulations! We have a period
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