I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
