oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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