we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
