I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
