She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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