i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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