i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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