I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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