actually, I'm a sock model
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
