Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
