Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
