About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
