He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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